The Beautiful Monster

She felt like she was in a never ending cycle of confusion. She was thinking about him in such a different light than she did a day ago. It gave her whiplash almost. It made her want to question things that she didn\'t need to question.

She believed that he was loyal to her. She believed that he wouldn\'t do anything to hurt her. Wasn\'t that enough to put her mind at ease?

"Yeah, I don\'t think so either. I\'m just not used to him acting that way," she explained.

Zoe nodded as she listened.

"Well, isn\'t this the longest and most serious relationship you\'ve been in?" Zoe asked.

Alyssa nodded. She was experiencing things for the first time with Elias. She wasn\'t used to being so close with a guy before.

Maybe she was just finding out little ticks that she hadn\'t noticed about guys before. She hoped that was the case.

"Yeah, I mean, I\'m around him a lot. I\'m sure I\'ll see him out of his element eventually," she said. Eventually, he would see her when she was really down or really stressed.

Zoe smiled and nodded.

"See? It\'s okay. You guys aren\'t going to be completely happy all the time. There will be some weird moments. People are weird," Zoe laughed softly.

Alyssa cracked a smile. She supposed Zoe was right. She had weird moments. She was sure that Elias did too, and she just experienced one last night.

She caught him off guard, and then she overreacted. She really needed to add that to her goals for the new year. She wanted to stop overreacting to things that she wasn\'t used to.

"Thanks. I don\'t know why I freaked out like that," she sighed with a shake of her head. She felt pretty silly now.

Zoe waved her hand dismissively.

"You\'re going to overthink things when you\'re in a relationship. When you\'re so close to someone, you notice every little thing that seems off.

You just have to not let it get to you," she replied as the server brought their food and drinks.

Alyssa thanked the server before sipping on her lemonade. She then smirked at Zoe.

"Look at you, relationship expert. How are things with Cole?" she asked. Last she heard, Zoe and Cole hung out a few times over Christmas break.

Zoe laughed softly.

"They\'re pretty good. It\'s definitely getting serious," she replied.

Alyssa reached out and squeezed Zoe\'s hand happily. She was glad to hear that. Seeing Zoe glow like that was something she always wanted to see. She wanted the best for her friend.

"Good! I can tell he makes you really happy," she said. No one else made Zoe act all shy like that.

"Very happy. I don\'t think I\'ve ever liked a guy this much before," Zoe said wistfully before biting into her French dip sandwich.

"Me too," Alyssa said warmly. She was glad they got to share this feeling with each other. She hated making Zoe feel like a third wheel with Elias, but now they could all hang out together.

It would be fun, and Alyssa wanted to make it a point to get out more this year. There was so much to experience, so many people to meet.

"You have a really good thing with Elias," Zoe told Alyssa, taking on a serious tone. "Don\'t search for trouble if it\'s not there to begin with."

Alyssa knew that Zoe was right. That was good advice to abide by, and she told herself to stay out of Elias\' business. If he wanted to tell her something, he would.

He was open with her a majority of the time about what was going on in his life, and she was grateful for that. She didn\'t want to mess that up and make him regret trusting her.

"You\'re right. Sheesh. Why weren\'t you there last night to talk some sense into me?" Alyssa laughed before biting into the corner of her grilled chicken club.

Zoe smirked and shook her head.

"Because I don\'t run. Especially at night. I was in my bed, all cozy," Zoe replied as she rubbed her hands over her arms.

"You\'re coming to the gym with me eventually. It\'ll be fun!" Alyssa said. She had been trying to get Zoe to tag along just so that she would have some company at the gym.

It wasn\'t all that fun by herself. She mostly just listened to music and stayed quiet until she left.

"You\'ll have to do a lot of begging or a lot of bribing," Zoe said before going back to eating her sandwich.

"I will buy you coffee once a month," Alyssa replied, putting down her first bribe. She knew that it wasn\'t that much, but Zoe knew how much money she had to spare every month. It was all that she could put down for now.

Zoe hummed beneath her breath as she considered Alyssa\'s offer.

"A free iced latte every month? You make a compelling offer. Fine, I\'ll try it and see if I can bear it," she said, giving in.

Alyssa clapped her hands excitedly. She knew that it was just a trial run, but it was better than Zoe giving her a flat out no.

She had a chance to loop Zoe into the working out craze. She just knew that having a friend with her would encourage her to go more too.

"Great! I was planning on going on the treadmill tonight," she told Zoe. She had a schedule that she was working with.

It was cardio three times a week and strength training two times a week. She was working up to it.

Zoe leaned her head back with a groan.

"So soon? Fine," she grumbled. "I\'ll break out my one pair of yoga pants."

Alyssa laughed behind her hand, knowing that Zoe probably didn\'t like workout attire all that much.

She didn\'t even think that she had seen Zoe wear a pair of leggings or tennis shoes since they met. It wasn\'t the area of fashion that Zoe had any interest in.

"I\'m so excited!" Alyssa said. She could see them chatting and laughing as they jogged on the treadmill or did stretches together.

She knew those weren\'t exactly fun activities, but anything could be fun with the right people. She had found the right people for her.

Zoe pointed her finger at Alyssa.

"You\'re lucky that I love you. That\'s the only reason why I\'m doing this," she said.

"I know. I love you too," Alyssa said as she gave Zoe a grateful look. Friends certainly did sacrifice things for each other, but at least working out would be good for Zoe too.

She finished up her lunch, chatting with Zoe about their schedules and professors.

It seemed like it was going to be a good but busy semester for the both of them. They would have to make time for each other, but Alyssa knew that they would.

They had a friendship that neither of them ever wanted to lose.

Alyssa saw Zoe as a sister at that point. They were beyond just friends. They had a bond that Alyssa had never shared with another girl before. Growing up, she always wished that she had a ceiling.

Given the circumstances with her parents, she was very glad to be the only child, but she could just imagine helping her imaginary sibling braid her hair, letting her borrow clothes, or giving her advice. She just had that in a different form.

Once they parted ways, Alyssa headed to her next class, feeling much better and much lighter than she did before she had lunch with Zoe.

Her head also felt much clearer. Lunch with Zoe definitely did her a lot of good, and she was determined to keep feeling like this. She didn\'t want to ruin her good mood right now.

She had spent so much of her time in college feeling down in some sort of way. She didn\'t want to waste any more time feeling anything other than happy or hopeful.

Her future was so big and wide. She didn\'t want to limit it with her own emotions and overthinking. She wouldn\'t be able to forgive herself if she missed out on too many things because of it.

Elias; Miss you honey

Alyssa smiled at the text that Elias just sent her. No matter what, she loved him. She didn\'t think that could ever change. He had affected her on such a deep level, imprinted himself on her soul.

She was glad that he did, though, even if that put him in a position where he could hurt her more than others.

Alyssa; Miss you babe

Love was worth any sort of pain. She didn\'t like how she felt before she fell for him. She felt so empty on the inside, so lost. She hadn\'t known what she was looking for until she met him.

Then, things became so much clearer to her. She could see what she wanted, feel what she needed. She just hoped she never lost any of that.